


Practice Makes Perfect

by csidle



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Acceptance, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Humor, Love, Psychology, Romance, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/csidle/pseuds/csidle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus believes that, besides sniping, he isn't very good at anything. He especially thinks he isn't good enough for Shepard. Can Shepard change his mind? Can a little practice, especially at accepting himself, help Garrus win Shepard's heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Self Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> *Not totally Garrus centered, it will be from Shepard's pov as well... Rating for cuss words but no worse then what is in the game*
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!! If you don't review I don't know if its good so I won't keep going on this but move on to something else!!!

Garrus was good at many things. He performed well under stress and was a valued team member. He was one hell of a shot, even if he did like to keep things at a distance, and if things did get up close and personal, he was an expert in hand-to-hand combat. And, if Garrus could not do anything else, he could calibrate big guns.

Garrus could admit, however, that there were things he was not good at. He had voiced on many occasions that he was not a very good turian and was not so good at following the rules. He always got hot headed and inpatient with government red tape and tended to act before he thought things through. Garrus, no matter what anyone else said, did not think himself a good leader, after all he had gotten his whole team killed. And everyone would agree that public speaking was not his forte. Sure he could banter back and forth with Tali, talk smack with Jacob, joke with Joker, even trade sniping tips with Thane, but meaningful personal conversation, he just could not find the words. He would stutter, "um", and pause awkwardly especially when a certain red headed commander was around. And if he was not badly mistaken, that was her approaching the forward battery.

"Shepard, need me for something?" He asked without turning around when he heard the hiss of the door open.

 _Please say no..._  the little voice in his head chanted.

"You got a minute?"

_Crap..._

"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations." He could picture her crossed arms and rolling her eyes as she let out a frustrated sigh.

"I'll let you get back to work." Garrus allowed himself to let out a sigh of relief.

"After you answer a couple of questions."

At that Garrus spun around and stared at her in shock.

Jane Shepard may have been the commander, his superior officer, and as Jack liked to call her, the boss lady, but rarely did she ever push people to talk. She had always been more laid back than most commanding officers and her open door policy gave the crew a sense of comfort that they could and would be listened to if a problem arose. However, at that particular moment Garrus felt anything but reassured as he stood there staring blankly at her. Shepard leaned back against the bulkhead; arms crossed, never breaking eye contact.

_Get a grip Garrus... It's just Shepard... Just answer her questions, don't stutter, and don't say anything stupid... You'll be fine... Oh... And pick your jaw up off the floor... A bug might fly in..._

Snapping him mouth shut, Garrus attempted, and failed miserably, to look at ease.

"Go ahead Shepard; what do you need to know?"

The tension in Shepard's shoulders eased as she relaxed slightly. "Well to start with, when was the last time you ate?"

_See... Easy question... And you were worr-... Wait... Crap... When was the last time you ate?_

Seeing him drawing a blank Shepard turn toward EDI's terminal, "EDI," She barked, "When was the last time Officer Vakarian ate?"

As EDI's blue holographic orb materialized, Garrus cringed.

_Oh you are so fucked... She called you "Officer Vakarian"..._

"Eighteen hours, forty-one minutes, and six-"

Feeling the need to defend his self, Garrus cut her off. "I had a plasmid sandwich just last night!"

"There is no reason to yell Officer Vakarian. I can assure you that my auditory microphones are in top working order. I believe that the Commander wished to know when the last time you ate a nutritious satisfying me-"

"EDI! There was nothing wrong with my-"

Before the two could really start bickering, Shepard cut them both off with a "Thank you EDI."

_Strike one "Officer Vakarian"..._

"Next question," she did not even bother addressing Garrus at all this time; she instead turned all of her attention to EDI's terminal. "When was the last time Officer Vakarian slept?"

"Thirty-two hours, fourteen minutes, thirteen-"

_Strike two bird brains..._

Garrus cut her off again outraged. "I nap here and there all the time!"

"Officer Vakarian, the amount of time needed for a turian to descend into a deep sleep-"

"Thank you EDI." Shepard let out a tired sigh. "One last question, when was the last time Garrus Vakarian willingly had a conversation with me?"

EDI was quiet, maybe because she did not know the answer; possibly because she was just ticked that she kept getting interrupted. It was still even more likely that she sensed that here presence was no longer needed so with a quieter than normal, "logging you out Shepard," her soft blue globe disappeared from the battery. Little did Shepard or Garrus realize that she also disabled the cameras and listening devices on her way out.

Shepard just stood there, waiting patiently for Garrus to gather his thoughts and give her an answer.

_Strike three... You’re out buddy... Great... Just two more things you’re not good at...Taking care of yourself and being a good friend... Hell Garrus... Your one of the few people she can trust on this Cerberus infested ship!_

"I'm sorry Shepard. It's just that I... I..." He trailed off.

_You what moron?... Decided that you had a bit of a crush on your commander... That you’re terrified of embarrassing yourself so you just avoid her... Geez Garrus... Can you not do anything right?..._

Garrus felt like banging his head against the bulkhead. It seemed like all he wanted to do was run and hide. How could he ever tell the great Commander Jane Shepard how he felt? And more over how could Shepard ever feel the same way back? He was nothing but a head strong sorry excuse for a turian.

Turian, that was another thing. Would she not prefer a human boyfriend? He did not even have his looks anymore, not that she would have found him the least bit attractive anyways, and that did not even cover the whole biology problem! He had done some research and to his horror he discovered that most humans were allergic to turians. Like that was not enough, if they were not allergic, the sharp angles of turian plating would cut a soft skinned human to shreds. After he had analyzed everything he had discovered; Garrus had come to the conclusion that there was no way in hell he deserved her. He had no money, no real job, no home to speak of, no wealth, no property, not even the chance to bring her pleasure much less children someday.

Her movement startled him out of his morbid thoughts. As she stepped up to him, she gently placed a hand on his scarred cheek.

"Garrus," she said softly, "talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

 


	2. New Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok a little back tracking and not a lot of dialog... this chapters is more about Shepard's take on all that has happened to her and her discovering new feelings towards Garrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! =)

_Her movement startled him out of his morbid thoughts. As she stepped up to him, she gently placed a hand on his scarred cheek._

_"Garrus," she said softly, "talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."_

She had never been very good at things such as this. Building and maintaining relationships had been hard for her. Sure she had had friends as a child but those relationships either died or became strained with age. Over time couples paired off, clicks were formed, and rivalries took center stage. Being an orphan and running with the Reds had not exactly helped either. She had not learned to trust anyone without fear of being stabbed in the back, both figuratively and literally, until she joined the Navy and Anderson had taken her under his wing. Even then she had trusted her fellow soldiers with having her back but never in any other aspect of her life.

That was probably was probably why she emotionally survived Akuze. They had been her team, fellow soldiers, allies, her "friends" even, but never once did she consider any of them true friends that she was particularly close to. Sure they were her "friends" while they needed her, but she never trusted them not to leave, not to stab her in the back off the battle field, not to go off and die on her.

Ah, there it was the real problem. Jane Shepard's real problem was that she was scared. She was scared of losing those close to her. Loss; that was the one constant in her life. Her parents had either died, did not want her, or could not keep her, but, no matter the situation, their absence was a palpable pain in her heart. She had lost Lilly, the closest thing to a true childhood friend to the gangs. And though they had not known each other more than a few months, Lilly's untimely death had hurt beyond measure. Mrs. Cartwright, the kind elderly librarian that let her stay among the shelves on cold rainy nights, brought her food, and watched out for her was taken from her by a rare and non-treatable cancer. And there had been others before Akuze, fellow soldiers she had lost along the way. Each of her fellow soldiers' deaths had hurt, but not as much as it could have.

So there it is the ugly truth for the entire world to see. Commander Jane Shepard, first human spectre, savior of the Citadel was afraid that if she got to close, cared too much, or dared to love she would lose everything.

Love; that was another topic that ate at her and it had all linked back to her trust issues. She could and would trusted people. She trusted her team to have her back in a fight. She trusted her crew, even the Cerberus ones, to do their jobs and do it right. She trusted a lot of people in a lot of different ways. She trusted Ashley to get past her Xenophobia on the SR1. She trusted Joker not to crash them on some desolate planet, Tali to keep the Normandy flying, Ms. Gotto to not steal them dry, even trusted Grunt to not kill anyone or anything, though she must admit that last one was a bit of a challenge. But as much as she could, would, or even wanted to trust people, she had never ever trusted anyone with her heart.

Until Kaidan.

He had wormed his way into her heart with soft spoken words. He had proven himself loyal on every mission. And he had proven himself a kind and excellent lover the night before llios.

Then she died.

She did not mean to. But whether she wanted to believe it or not, her team had become important to her and she WAS NOT going to lose her pilot.

So instead, she lost the ship that had become not only home but her safe haven, and her life.

When she woke up on that Cerberus table, she had lost two years. She might have gotten back her ship, her pilot, and her life, but she had lost a crew she trusted, the support of the Alliance (though she was not sure she ever had it in the first place), and the one and only man she loved.

And then she lost him again on Horizon.

The only thing that had gotten her though it all had been Garrus. Finding him in that hell hole that was Omega had been the biggest blessing she had experienced in her life. When she saw him take off that helmet she wanted to run to him, hug him, feel that he was real. She had even gotten her arms spread to do just that when she thought about the two Cerberus officers behind her.

She was afraid for a moment that she had lost him as soon as she had found him. Not physically, it was him; he was there in front of her, but mentally and emotionally. He had looked older and worn down. There was less drive, less of that youthful optimism, less of that playful sparkle in his eyes. And all of a sudden he was not the aspiring C-Sec officer she had met in the wards. He was not the playful mechanic that she used to shoot the bull with under the Mako, or the young bad ass sniper that made fun of her driving or challenged her head shot count.

For a moment Jane's world had come crashing down. Her chest tightened and she could hardly breathe. All of her losses paled in comparison to, not even losing him figuratively or physically, but losing him in anyway.

_Please..._

She silently begged to God, The Goddess, or the Spirits, anyone that would answer her plea.

_Please, please give me a sign that it's him, and that I am not talking to the shell of the man l once knew..._

And there it was, in the way that cocked his head, the way his mandibles flared, the way he awkwardly scratch the back of his neck when he said his name was just Garrus to her. And she could breathe again. It was in the he held his rifle and the way clapped her shoulder and said it will be just like old times that her world not only became whole again but brighter.

_GARRUS!_

She closed her eyes to the memory.

She had nearly lost him a second time. There had been so much blood. She had screamed, she had cried, she prayed and she knew her heart was breaking.

It was not until much later, after Horizon, that she realized that in that moment, that one horrible moment, the moment she saw that rocket hit his face, the moment he hit the ground, her heart had broken more than in any other moment in her life. Everything, every loss paled in comparison.

Even loosing Kaidan a second time.

It was while standing in the doorway of her cabin that she realized just how much she cared for him. Wrapped up in Garrus's arms only a week after Kaidan chose the Alliance over her, while she cried. In all her life she had only cried twice in the presence of others. The first when he took a rocket to his face, the second with him rocking her shaking body as she sobbed in her doorway. He probably thought she was crying over Kaidan’s betrayal, and she was, but she was crying over so much more. That night she had cried for everything she had lost. However, she cried even harder for all that she had. She had the Normandy back, some of her team was still there, she had her life back, and she had Garrus.

Garrus, only Garrus would have known how much Kaidan’s choice had hurt her. Only he would have known to check on her. He had always watched her back without question. He had always been there to pick her up, make her laugh, even put her in her place when she needed an ego check. He had never let her down, had never turned his back on her. Sure he had been startled, confused, and even a little shaken up to see her alive, but he still trusted her to have his back as much as he still had hers. He had questioned her ties to Cerberus, but in the end he had said he would follow her in to hell and anywhere else she might go.

And he, above all, had never left her. Even when he went back to C-Sec he had not been absent from her life. Every time he got the chance he would message her, ask her how she was, when she was going to be on the Citadel so they could catch up. It was a fact that on any mission they took on could be their last, but she knew, somewhere deep in her heart that he would never leave her of his own free will. That night she had cried he never once left her side. Even when she had fallen into a deep sleep, tear stained face softly lit by her sad empty fish tanks, he stayed.

They had never talked about that night, both trusting that if the other needed something they would seek the other out.

Or so she thought.

Something was definitely wrong with Garrus. He avoided her like the plague. And when she did get him to speak to her he seemed nervous, twitchy, and evasive. He had thrown himself into his work. The Normandy had never been so completely calibrated before, which was not necessarily a bad thing. However, when EDI had alerted Chakwas to the fact he was not eating and barely slept, as was her job, the doc had a few words for him. She prescribed him a sleep aid and ordered him to eat in a way only a scolding mother could. The good doctor also had to inform the commander that she prescribed the sleep aid, as was protocol because it may have hindered performance in field.

That was the final straw for Shepard. She had to find out what was wrong with him. She might not have been ready to trust him with her heart just yet, but he was her only true friend in this screwed up galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again... PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! =)


	3. Addressing the Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still stuck in the battery... I do apologize. Longer Chapter though! 
> 
> AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

_That was the final straw for Shepard. She had to find out what was wrong with him. She might not have been ready to trust him with her heart just yet, but he was her only true friend in this screwed up galaxy._

So against her better judgment, she decided to go down and have a talk with partner in crime. No Shepard without Vakarian she had once said and right now Vakarian was out of commission until he talked to her and followed the good doctor’s orders.

She nodded to Chakwas as she passed the medical bay windows, and only hesitated for a split second before she stepped into the forward battery.

"Shepard, need me for something?" He asked without turning around.

 _At least he spoke to me.._.

"You got a minute?" She asked already knowing the answer.

_“Can it wait? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”_

"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

_This is getting really old really fast… Bet I could get answers quicker out of Grunt at this point…_

The thought both saddened and angered her. Here he was supposed to be her friend, her confidant, and her other half. At least she felt like he was the better piece of her, the part that made her complete. Not that she could tell him that.

_He’d probably be on the first boat back to Palivan… Well second boat…_

The thought crossed her mind as she leaned against the bulkhead; crossing her arms and rolling her eyes, she let out a frustrated sigh. As much as she wanted to tell him, she knew that she would scare him off. Or worse he would feel the same way. If he felt the same way she would eventually lose him, and she did not think she would ever recover from Garrus Vakarian if that were to happen. They were not even in that kind of relationship, but she knew she would never be as close or feel the same about anyone else.

One thing she was sure of, however, was that Garrus would never abandon her or this mission. Maybe after the mission he would haul tail and leave her but not a second before. However, she was not quite ready to test that theory.

"I'll let you get back to work."

She smirked at his sigh of relief.

_Not this time buster… You will talk to me today… If not as my friend then as my subordinate…_

She hated thinking about Garrus as a subordinate, but throughout her military career she had learned that sometimes you have to throw your weight as well as your rank and title around to get results.

_If only it worked on Udina…_

She stopped herself from letting out a frustrated sign. Now was not to the time to go off on that pain in her ass.

If anything she may have been the _Commander_ but they all worked as equal parts of a team, and if Chakwas and EDI was right about his eating and sleeping habits, and they usually were, Garrus was putting the _team_ at risk.

"After you answer a couple of questions."

At that Garrus spun around and stared at her in shock as she leaned back against the bulkhead; arms crossed, never breaking eye contact.

_Is he really that shocked that I have questions?... That I wouldn’t notice something was wrong and out of place… Come on Garrus I thought you knew me better than that…_

He audibly snapped his mouth shut, causing Shepard to cringe slightly. If he had noticed her quick flinch he did not voice it. Instead he shuffled his feet, rubbed the back of his neck, and looked as if he was attempting, and failing miserably, to look at ease.

"Go ahead Shepard; what do you need to know?"

The tension in Shepard's shoulders relaxed slightly.

_At least he’s looking at me now… though he still looks like he could bolt at any second…_

Without even realizing it Jane moved between him and the door. It was a subconscious move she had honed over her many years of service and apparently dying and being rebuilt by Cerberus had not damped her instincts. It was a subtle move she used when dealing with criminals waiting for an opening to run (she really hated it when they ran, it usually ended up with her having to shoot them) but it was also a move she often used when dealing with traumatized and scarred victims, like Talitha.

_Don’t get to close or crowd them… might make them do something you’ll both regret… but don’t allow them the opportunity to run… if they get away they’re both a danger to themselves, you, and to others… there is no worse situation then having to shoot an innocent that no longer has control of their body, mind, or actions…_

Lessons from Dr. Cochran’s _Recovery and Treatment of Former Hostages_ class at the academy came flooding back. It was one of the few theory classes that she had found most helpful when on missions as well as with handling some of her crew.

"Well to start with, when was the last time you ate?"

She really did not mean to snap but between frustration and lack of answers as well as her worry for his health and well-being, she was not in the mood to play.

Seeing him drawing a blank Shepard turn toward EDI's terminal, "EDI," She barked, "When was the last time Officer Vakarian ate?"

As EDI's blue holographic orb materialized she noticed Garrus cringe.

_Ok maybe I am being a little harsh… Don’t want to send him into a panic attack…_

"Eighteen hours, forty-one minutes, and six-"

Garrus cut her off. "I had a plasmid sandwich just last night!"

_What the hell is a plasmid sandwich? … It doesn’t even sound healthy… or appetizing…_

"There is no reason to yell Officer Vakarian. I can assure you that my auditory microphones are in top working order. I believe that the Commander wished to know when the last time you ate a nutritious satisfying me-"

"EDI! There was nothing wrong with my-"

Before the two could really start bickering, Shepard cut them both off with a "Thank you EDI."

_Strike one "Officer Vakarian"..._

She mentally held up a finger

"Next question," she did not bother addressing Garrus at all this time; she instead turned all of her attention to EDI's terminal. "When was the last time Officer Vakarian slept?"

"Thirty-two hours, fourteen minutes, thirteen-"

_Strike two..._

Garrus cut EDI off again outraged. "I nap here and there all the time!"

"Officer Vakarian, the amount of time needed for a turian to descend into a deep sleep-"

_This is getting us nowhere…_

"Thank you EDI." Jane let out a tired sigh. "One last question, when was the last time Garrus Vakarian willingly had a conversation with me?"

_Strike three… You’re out…_

EDI was quiet, and with a less authoritative than normal, "logging you out Shepard," her soft blue globe disappeared from the battery; for witch Jane was especially grateful for.

She just stood there, waiting patiently for Garrus to gather his thoughts and give her an answer.

He looked miserable. He looked like he had lost his best friend, or like someone had killed his dog or something.

_Do they have dogs on Palivan? …_

Her stance softened as she watched him shuffle his feet. Jane had always thought it was ironic that her bad ass sniper got so nervous. She found it quite endearing actually that her steadfast “give them hell” vigilantly had a soft side.

It was one of the many things she loved about him.

"I'm sorry Shepard. It's just that I... I..." He trailed off.

He stuttered and she felt her heart break.

_Here he is apologizing to me… I should be the one apologizing… I should have spoken to him sooner… I should have…_

Jane knew she could not blame herself anymore then she could blame Garrus. She did not even know what was wrong and yet just seeing how miserable he was and she knew there was no way he wanted to feel the way he did.

_Whatever is wrong must be bad… that or he doesn’t see a way out or anyway to fix it…_

She knew he had problems. Hell, everyone on this boat had problems, and not just your run of the mill problems either. Not to mention the people themselves. It was a known fact that all of them should be admitted to the loony bin, that’s probably why the Illusive Man put Kelly on board with them. It seemed Shepard attracted bonafide crazy people.

She mentally ran down the list.

_Ashley the Xenophobe… Kaidan’s childhood and implants… Joker’s legs… and his loss of the Normandy… Liara’s indoctrinated mother… Wrex… well all Krogan have that problem… Thane’s illness, the loss of his wife, and son issues… Samara’s daughter… Miranda’s father and sister… Jacob’s father…_

For a second there Jane was almost glad she did not have parents or kids, almost.

_Mordan’s guilt… I’m assuming he feels guilty because of the genophage… Tali’s treason charges… Zaeed… Not going there… Jack…  And I’m not touching that one with a ten foot pole…_

This was not to say she should not be admitted to the crazy hospital too, not by a long shot. Between losing her team on her Akuze, dying, and being brought back to life by a terrorist organization, OH, and having to save the entire galaxy made her screwed up childhood, her trust issues, her relationship issues, and Udina issues look like a walk in the park.

And then there was Garrus.

Garrus had had his share of hardships; that was a fact she knew and knew well. He had on several occasions he had stressed that he was not a good Turian, whatever that meant, as well as it could be assumed that he and his father were not on good speaking terms. Jane knew his mother was deathly ill and that there were not any know cures at this time. She also knew he had a sister and that she was taking his mother’s health hard, especially without her brother around. Leaving C-Sec with her in her hunt for Saren had strained his family ties even more, especially with his father. She could only imagine what pain her death had caused him. And as for being on Omega, Lord, she did not even pretend to understand the pain he went through when he lost his team. Shepard had lost her own team on Akuze, but that had been circumstance and not because of a betrayal. To add insult to injury there was the rocked to the face, new implants, and her not giving him a shot at Sidonis…

_Oh…_

It had not even been a week since that screwed up situation, and they had not exactly talked about it either.

_Well he can’t stay mad at me forever…_

She softened even more. He did not deserve her being an ass when he had went through so much. It seemed almost natural now that she thought about it. She had gone through something similar. The loss of appetite, the lack of sleep (though she still did not sleep as much as she should what with Prothean visions as well as being spaced nightmares).

_Guess dying will do that too you…_

Throwing yourself into your work to forget.

“Hey…”

Her movement startled him out of his morbid thoughts. As she stepped up to him, she gently placed a hand on his scarred cheek.

"Garrus," she said softly, "talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!!! And again PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave your comments and thoughts.
> 
> Thanks for reading I will update soon if people like it!!!
> 
> ~CSIDLE


End file.
